So today was my first day back at work. I slept most of the weekend and found it very difficult to stand up or sit down. Today finally the pain is going however I've developed a slight infection in my main incision. I called my surgeon but he is overseas at a conference so I had to go to my local doctor. I hate that guy! He charged me $60 to check what bacterial infection I had. Totally unnecessary.
Anyway, after that I spent more money on a pedicure to make myself feel better.
So far I've managed to have half a smoothie and some watery oatmeal in addition to water and milk. I've lost about 7 1/2lbs since Friday although I'm assuming most of that is water weight. But I'll take that!
Tuesday, 22 June 2010
Saturday, 19 June 2010
Day 2 post op
So I'm home now. Still very very sore and finding it difficult to get up and down. Was discharged from the hospital the day after my surgery. I was well looked after and had a good experience while I was there. So far have just had water, half a smoothie and a few sips of milk. Not hungry at all. Yesterday I slept for 18 hours and still feel pretty out of it. Will write more tomorrow when I'm feeling more awake!
Wednesday, 16 June 2010
T minus 1 day
Tomorrow is D day.
I'm scared, really scared. Usually I take pride in my nails (fat girls generally have good hair, nails, shoes and purses) but I've bitten them all off. I can't focus at work and have spent the last two days reading blogs about people who have been through the surgery.
I feel like I have a really big exam this afternoon and I haven't studied. Those kind of nerves.
Am I making the right decision? Yes 100%.
Maybe I'm scared because it might not work, in which case I've wasted loads of money and am stuck with this thing inside me. Or maybe I'm scared about all the hard work I'm going to have to put in over the coming months. I know I'm scared about the pain, and not having my mum around to help me and be there for me.
I talked to her last night (she lives in the homeland). She said she'd been praying lots for me (which seems to be working as I picked up some extra work in the evenings which will more than cover the $1000 a month payments for my surgery), but she really didn't want to discuss the surgery and sounded different to how she usually sounds. I know she's worried about me doing this in a foreign country. Hopefully when she sees that it's working then she'll come round.
I printed off some inspiration photos to pin on my bedroom wall. These were taken at my lowest weight around 3 1/2 years ago (thank you lighterlife) of around 10 1/2 stone (147lbs). Also added to the inspiration wall is a dress I want to buy for the Winter Ball. It's grossly expensive but I figure I will be saving money on food and socialising and can put what I save aside for the dress.
Going out with some people from work for my last meal tonight. Scary. Can't eat after midnight.
Will try and take lots of before photos and photos at the hospital.
Wish me luck!
I'm scared, really scared. Usually I take pride in my nails (fat girls generally have good hair, nails, shoes and purses) but I've bitten them all off. I can't focus at work and have spent the last two days reading blogs about people who have been through the surgery.
I feel like I have a really big exam this afternoon and I haven't studied. Those kind of nerves.
Am I making the right decision? Yes 100%.
Maybe I'm scared because it might not work, in which case I've wasted loads of money and am stuck with this thing inside me. Or maybe I'm scared about all the hard work I'm going to have to put in over the coming months. I know I'm scared about the pain, and not having my mum around to help me and be there for me.
I talked to her last night (she lives in the homeland). She said she'd been praying lots for me (which seems to be working as I picked up some extra work in the evenings which will more than cover the $1000 a month payments for my surgery), but she really didn't want to discuss the surgery and sounded different to how she usually sounds. I know she's worried about me doing this in a foreign country. Hopefully when she sees that it's working then she'll come round.
I printed off some inspiration photos to pin on my bedroom wall. These were taken at my lowest weight around 3 1/2 years ago (thank you lighterlife) of around 10 1/2 stone (147lbs). Also added to the inspiration wall is a dress I want to buy for the Winter Ball. It's grossly expensive but I figure I will be saving money on food and socialising and can put what I save aside for the dress.
Going out with some people from work for my last meal tonight. Scary. Can't eat after midnight.
Will try and take lots of before photos and photos at the hospital.
Wish me luck!
Tuesday, 15 June 2010
T minus 2 days
Today is Wednesday. I get banded on Friday.
Two days to say goodbye to a lifestyle I love (and hate). Actually I made the decision to have a lapband fitted about three weeks ago. Since then I've been saying goodbye to the food and alcohol that has led me to get to this weight. Highlights include:
A six course meal at a British Association black tie ball (I'm an expat living in an East Asian country). The food was amazing, however the two day anxiety about what to wear was not.
Steak, creamed spinach and garlic mashed potatoes followed by chocolate and peanut butter pudding, which cost (my boss) in excess of $400.
A five piece bucket of KFC (I will miss you KFC).
A whole large Papa John's pizza.
A Bigmac followed an hour later by another large homemade burger after a friend (P the pilot) showed up at my office to take me out for lunch unexpectedly.
Those are the highlights and the lowlights of my 3 week binge. I'm pretty sure I've gained about 5lbs since my last consultation with my surgeon.
So why am I putting myself through surgery and through a lifetime of not being able to eat 'normally'?
I guess like most people my size (around 210lbs, 15 stone, 95 kilos) my weight has yo-yo'd up to this point. I was a chubby kid (not massive, just a little plump) and years and years and years (I'm 27) of dieting and failing to diet have led me here.
I've been slim on two occasions. Once when I was 17, when I was practically living off half an orange a day (which then developed into 4 years of binge eating and bulimia). And then when I was 24 after completing 4 months on the lighterlife diet. For those that haven't heard about the lighterlife diet, it's basically starvation consisting of four milkshakes a day and around 500 calories. The weight dropped off, but when I started eating again I couldn't control it and regained everything I had lost. Since then my weight has increased and decreased by about 20lbs and I start a new diet every two months or so. Despite being "thin" twice, I never reached a normal BMI. Each time I got to about 27 or 28 BMI.
I have been considering surgery for about a year now, and have consistently done research into the different types. I think what really made the decision for me was reading someone's blog about being banded in the country I reside in. She recommended a good doctor and she had great results. It was also affordable. Also 4 weeks ago it started to get hot here. I hate the summer in this country. It's hot and very humid. I basically look like a hot sweaty mess for 4 months of the year. Summer clothes don't look good and it's just generally uncomfortable most of the time. So something snapped and I couldn't take it anymore. I booked the surgery.
My roommate, J, thinks I'm crazy. She's supportive but says she couldn't live with the food restriction. I hear what she's saying, and it's going to be pretty miserable having to limit what I eat because I love food. Mum really was not supportive, it's not the surgery she's against, it's the cost and the fact that I'm in a foreign country. She wants me to come home and have it done on the NHS!
Anyway my first post is getting far too long and boring. I will leave you with a list of pros and cons for the surgery which I wrote while making my decision.
Cons:
Cost
Not being able to eat normally
Won't be able to blame my weight for anything (e.g. I can't do that because I'm fat, he doesn't want to date me because I'm fat)
Pain
Having to make excuses about why I'm not eating much
Pros:
I get to have a normal BMI for the first time in my life.
I will feel sexy and confident
I will feel good in the summer because I will be able to wear shorts and tank tops!
I will be able to wear high heels without wanting to chop off my feet
I WILL BE ABLE TO BUY CLOTHES IN TOPSHOP! (Something I have only ever done once)
My face will look cute and not chubby and I might get complimented on something other than my eyes
I won't have to settle for inappropriate men just because I think I have to take what I can get
I might meet my future husband and have babies
I get to go to my university reunion in six months time feeling confident and successful
I will get to wear a slinky black dress to the next British Association Ball in December
I will be able to run without feeling like my fat is wobbling everywhere and worrying about an imminent heart attack
I think that sums it up.
Below is a picture from the British Association Ball three weeks ago.
Two days to say goodbye to a lifestyle I love (and hate). Actually I made the decision to have a lapband fitted about three weeks ago. Since then I've been saying goodbye to the food and alcohol that has led me to get to this weight. Highlights include:
A six course meal at a British Association black tie ball (I'm an expat living in an East Asian country). The food was amazing, however the two day anxiety about what to wear was not.
Steak, creamed spinach and garlic mashed potatoes followed by chocolate and peanut butter pudding, which cost (my boss) in excess of $400.
A five piece bucket of KFC (I will miss you KFC).
A whole large Papa John's pizza.
A Bigmac followed an hour later by another large homemade burger after a friend (P the pilot) showed up at my office to take me out for lunch unexpectedly.
Those are the highlights and the lowlights of my 3 week binge. I'm pretty sure I've gained about 5lbs since my last consultation with my surgeon.
So why am I putting myself through surgery and through a lifetime of not being able to eat 'normally'?
I guess like most people my size (around 210lbs, 15 stone, 95 kilos) my weight has yo-yo'd up to this point. I was a chubby kid (not massive, just a little plump) and years and years and years (I'm 27) of dieting and failing to diet have led me here.
I've been slim on two occasions. Once when I was 17, when I was practically living off half an orange a day (which then developed into 4 years of binge eating and bulimia). And then when I was 24 after completing 4 months on the lighterlife diet. For those that haven't heard about the lighterlife diet, it's basically starvation consisting of four milkshakes a day and around 500 calories. The weight dropped off, but when I started eating again I couldn't control it and regained everything I had lost. Since then my weight has increased and decreased by about 20lbs and I start a new diet every two months or so. Despite being "thin" twice, I never reached a normal BMI. Each time I got to about 27 or 28 BMI.
I have been considering surgery for about a year now, and have consistently done research into the different types. I think what really made the decision for me was reading someone's blog about being banded in the country I reside in. She recommended a good doctor and she had great results. It was also affordable. Also 4 weeks ago it started to get hot here. I hate the summer in this country. It's hot and very humid. I basically look like a hot sweaty mess for 4 months of the year. Summer clothes don't look good and it's just generally uncomfortable most of the time. So something snapped and I couldn't take it anymore. I booked the surgery.
My roommate, J, thinks I'm crazy. She's supportive but says she couldn't live with the food restriction. I hear what she's saying, and it's going to be pretty miserable having to limit what I eat because I love food. Mum really was not supportive, it's not the surgery she's against, it's the cost and the fact that I'm in a foreign country. She wants me to come home and have it done on the NHS!
Anyway my first post is getting far too long and boring. I will leave you with a list of pros and cons for the surgery which I wrote while making my decision.
Cons:
Cost
Not being able to eat normally
Won't be able to blame my weight for anything (e.g. I can't do that because I'm fat, he doesn't want to date me because I'm fat)
Pain
Having to make excuses about why I'm not eating much
Pros:
I get to have a normal BMI for the first time in my life.
I will feel sexy and confident
I will feel good in the summer because I will be able to wear shorts and tank tops!
I will be able to wear high heels without wanting to chop off my feet
I WILL BE ABLE TO BUY CLOTHES IN TOPSHOP! (Something I have only ever done once)
My face will look cute and not chubby and I might get complimented on something other than my eyes
I won't have to settle for inappropriate men just because I think I have to take what I can get
I might meet my future husband and have babies
I get to go to my university reunion in six months time feeling confident and successful
I will get to wear a slinky black dress to the next British Association Ball in December
I will be able to run without feeling like my fat is wobbling everywhere and worrying about an imminent heart attack
I think that sums it up.
Below is a picture from the British Association Ball three weeks ago.
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