I'm scared, really scared. Usually I take pride in my nails (fat girls generally have good hair, nails, shoes and purses) but I've bitten them all off. I can't focus at work and have spent the last two days reading blogs about people who have been through the surgery.
I feel like I have a really big exam this afternoon and I haven't studied. Those kind of nerves.
Am I making the right decision? Yes 100%.
Maybe I'm scared because it might not work, in which case I've wasted loads of money and am stuck with this thing inside me. Or maybe I'm scared about all the hard work I'm going to have to put in over the coming months. I know I'm scared about the pain, and not having my mum around to help me and be there for me.
I talked to her last night (she lives in the homeland). She said she'd been praying lots for me (which seems to be working as I picked up some extra work in the evenings which will more than cover the $1000 a month payments for my surgery), but she really didn't want to discuss the surgery and sounded different to how she usually sounds. I know she's worried about me doing this in a foreign country. Hopefully when she sees that it's working then she'll come round.
I printed off some inspiration photos to pin on my bedroom wall. These were taken at my lowest weight around 3 1/2 years ago (thank you lighterlife) of around 10 1/2 stone (147lbs). Also added to the inspiration wall is a dress I want to buy for the Winter Ball. It's grossly expensive but I figure I will be saving money on food and socialising and can put what I save aside for the dress.
Going out with some people from work for my last meal tonight. Scary. Can't eat after midnight.
Will try and take lots of before photos and photos at the hospital.
Wish me luck!
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